So, would it surprise you at all if I told you that you already know the answer as to why it is so hard to write a blog post? Seriously - you do. What I'm about to tell you is honestly, not going to blow your mind. You're not going to walk away from this with some crazy new insight into the world of blogging or be a part of some insane viral awesomeness. I'm just wanna sit and talk for a minute.
Writing a blog post is soooooo hard because it makes you vulnerable (I totally had to spell check that word, like, 3 times). It makes your words, your thoughts, your beliefs, your opinions, and your way of living a free for all to people that you would never ever have the chance to share with normally. Blogging is like this crazy huge window into every thing that makes you - well, you. I can sensor what I write - I got that, I understand that. But, even with heavy sensor, what I write could change everything. Literally. Everything.
Even with this post, I sit back every once in a while and change a sentence because I hated what I typed. The way I typed something didn't even come across like it sounded in my head. ahhhhhhh! I just feel this huge spotlight on me, even now, because anyone can read this. My parents, my friends, my couples - everyone that I care about can read every single word that comes outta my mouth.
What if it changes how they feel about me? What if, what they read, changes what I think they feel about me? OMG. Seriously, I'm freakin' out.
Being a friendly and caring person is basically how I've tried to live my entire life - and I love being this way. I love being crazy sensitive and fiercely emotional - I cry over things that other people might not even notice. I know this about myself, and I'm okay with that - but blogging - writing down how my couples make me feel, how my work makes me feel, that is totally a different monster. And it is so hard. My wedding photography and my business has this huge responsibility to document one of the happiest days in a couple's life! Everything that I put out there in the internet world has this enormous potential to revise the way my clients see me. - wooo. Give me a second while I wipe my face because I seriously can't even see what I'm typing anymore.
Now, I know I know, I shouldn't be scared about showing my true self and who cares what other people think about me. Believe me, I've heard all of that and I tell myself that all of the time. But this is different. For some reason, even though I'm perfectly happy with being myself in front of people, the internet is some bizarre alternate universe. The internet is like this gorgeous, lush oasis with the greenest grass and biggest trees you've ever seen. Little bunnies hop around and nibble on clover, the deer tiptoe through the tulips all while tigers rest peacefully in the sun. You feel so alive, so freeeeee, you throw your hands up in the air and twirl around as fast as your can. Your heart is so happy.................
Then, the director yells CUT and everything gets pulled away. The twirling stops and your arms drop to your sides. You're left standing there in front of piles of broken dreams, stacks of shattered careers, missing pieces of businesses and rotting lives. Vicious beasts are tugging at their chains with such force and their growls pierce through your happiness like daggers. They want nothing more than to rip you to shreds. Your heart is beating a million miles an hour and you want to run. You want to run as far away from here as possible.
Stay. I'm here too, along with so many others that are here to make it a beautiful place. Yeah, I'm scared. I have never been so scared in all of my life. Scared that I'll say something dumb. I'll be too cutesy, or silly. Shoot, I'm even scared that I'll scare someone. But, I'm staying. I'm gonna write my heart out. I'm gonna talk to you, because you're the reason I'm here.
Why is it so hard to write a blog post? Because I haven't shared enough.